I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize