just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
