my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
