I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
