writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
