guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
that is very illegal...i love you.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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