How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
