i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
