and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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