i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
