I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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