to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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