i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
