Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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