I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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