If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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