Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
