Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
