At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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