literally had 100 drinks last night.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
