Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
