No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
