operation harelip BJ is a go
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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