Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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