I puked a lego.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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