3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
