i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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