i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
