That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
