DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
