So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
