waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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