bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
