I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
