I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
