Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
