we're chasing vodka with high fives
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
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