peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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