**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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