She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
