Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
