I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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