Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
