im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
