I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
