I think my vagina is haunted
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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