just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
