Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
