I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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