My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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