Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
