God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
