you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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