It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
