Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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