Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
