If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
