Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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