my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
