I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
