I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize