i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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