Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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