I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize