my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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