Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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