I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
