oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
