Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
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