yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
