I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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