I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We had to coat check the pizza.
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whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
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I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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