he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
what day is it and did you see me today?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
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