Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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