I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
