why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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