hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
