I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
