I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
