The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
