Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
