Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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