You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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